You know those evangelists you see on T.V. with the nice watch? Or the ones on the street corner who shout and tell people they're going to hell?

yeah. that's right. you know the type...

Three of them were at Southeastern yesterday. Apparently, they've been doing their thing in the union for about two days. I only had the pleasure of catching it for a day, but i was sickened. It took a lot for me not to vomit when I heard them.

It angers me when people do things like that--not when they preach. I love good preaching. I sit at the BCM on thrusday nights, and I go to church on Sunday mornings. Sometimes, I attend mass. Last Sunday, I literally went to three different church services, and I heard preaching at all of them. I love some good preaching.

Good preaching.

Good being the key word, but these guys didn't seem to get that. It saddens me.

"Fornicators, and Prostitutes, YOU ARE GOING TO GO TO HELL!! You need to REPENT! You are KILLING BABIES. That makes you a MURDERER. REPENT YOU MURDERERS. REPENT!!!" shouted the man. It was obscene. I will not argue with his claims because they're not entirely incorrect; however, i will add to them. Fornicators and prostitutes who are LIVING IN SIN, are not saved, and all unsaved persons will in fact suffer God's wrath...

BUT! (yes there's a but)

If you run to Jesus, THEN repent, he will wash you off all your inequity and You will be made whole and achieve your fullness IN Christ. Then you will be saved. That's how salvation works. It is BY GRACE, through faith that we are saved, but these men seemed to preach that it is by faith that we achieve grace. They have it backwards. When I suggested the truth to them, they called me a Calvinist. The taste of contempt was spilling out of their mouths as I heard them ask me, Eric, Ryan, and several other believers, "Are you a Calvinist Ben?" He'd say my name as a means to condescend me and get under my skin. I learned tactics like that when debating with cult members like Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons. Folks at the mega churches do things like this. I felt like they'd just plastered an undeserved star of David on my chest, and were trying to coax me into a gas chamber. If that's Christ, I want nothing to do with him.

I'm glad that isn't Christ.

The funny thing is: I'm not a Calvinist. Not even close. I'm a radically biblical Christian. Predestination isn't a biblical concept as much as it a Corinthian or Ephesian concept. Now, hints of it can be found, and I believe it in a sense, but only in the sense that God is all powerful, and He will win out in the end. Like a road trip to Disney world, but I'll do this bit of theology at another time. The point is, instead of greeting what he believed to be my false doctrine with a heart of love, he only had an arm of wrath to offer me. I was undeserving of it regardless, but

notice the metaphor I just used: "heart of love" and "arm of wrath." 

How does the human body work? Without the heart would the arm work at all? I dare say it wouldn't. God's wrath only exists because of His love. This is why the Psalms tell us that "God is love," and "God is wrath." His wrath is a disciple like a father (a good one) gives his children. I learned not long ago that the difference in "discipline" and "punishment" is simple. Discipline is something we learn from. It comes from the word "disciple" which means follower. The disciple diligently follows after Christ, and Christ disciples his followers like a rabbi does. Rabbi means teacher. Discipline is a form of teaching. Punishment is empty wrath. Punishment is something dealt out by ignorant, angry fathers that don't know any better.

We can't blame them for punishing us. How can one teach if he has never been taught? How can one disciple if he as never been discipled? They're just angry, unloved, confused fathers--the evangelists, I mean. I used to be angry like this. My father punished and rarely disciplined. My father was angry. I used to be angry like this. I never wore a sandwich sign or told others they were going to hell, but I used to encounter men like this--men like my dad, and I used to immediately on the defensive. I was scarred for a long time. Now, I'm healing. Healing feels good. It is ecstacential not to be angry anymore. I wish these men knew what it was that I felt.

I want them to feel the healing grace of God. I want them to see the fatherly love that he can offer them. I want them to understand that God wants to bathe us--like an infant--and keep us safe--like Hosea's wife, Gomer. "So I bought her back for fifteen pieces of silver and about five bushels of barley and a measure of wine. Then I said to her, 'You must live in my house for many days and stop your prostitution. During this time, you will not have sexual intercourse with anyone, not even me" (Hosea 3.2-3).

Gomer was this hooker and sex addict that Hosea married. He really loved the chick, but no one knew why. The only reason the bible gives us is grace. Hosea is supposed to be symbolic for the way God loves us. In chapter 2, she runs away, and Hosea chases after her. He's crying out, "I LOVE YOU. I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU." Then, when he finally finds her in chapter 3, he buys her back from a pimp for the cost of a slave. he literally buys her. This guy loved his slutty wife so much, that he bought her even though she was screwing around on him. WTF--right? God buys us back like this only its a bit more metaphorical, or dare i say spiritual. After Hosea buys her, he takes care of her like she's coming off a crack fix. He locks her up and doesn't let her do her drug for "many days," but then, he will have sex with her. Like after the withdrawls end, they he's willing to be intimate with her like God is willing to be intimate with us.

He's gonna clean her up, and then love her. I love the analogy that I am God's special crack junkie that he's detoxing so that, once I am clean, he can love me perfectly. I wish that the men in the union--those crack junkies--I want them to detox.

My heart is broken for them. I want them to know God this way, that way, everyone can. Without holiness, no one can know God (heb 12.14 author's paraphrase). How could someone be holy if they haven't met the love of God? *a tear falls down my cheek*

I listened to what they said as long as I could, then I had to do my best to put a stop to it. Talking to the man, I was shakey. I was mildly angry I'll admit, but it was in fact, a righteous anger. I guess i was trying to flip the tables. I'm not sure if i'm strong enough, but I like to think that if i can be humble, then God will give me his strength. I like to think that the tables will only really flip if Jesus flips them. This is why, when Christ entered the temple and got really pissed, he flipped the table, and he didn't say, "hey peter, would you go flip that table for me and say, 'you've turned my father's house into a den of thieves.'"

Amy came up to me and placed her hand on my back. I felt the energy of the Holy Spirit radiate through me. It was soothing. I needed the support of my fellowship, and God provided it.

Later, the evangelists started shouting to one another, "what is the atheist's creed again?"
"it's something like one: 'there is no God' and two 'I hate him.' That's it, that's what the atheists say."

Bob the atheist was nearby; he was the one who sparked this question. I'm not sure what he did to force them to say it, but he managed to get a rise out of them. Atheist Bob laughed at the very notion that there is an "atheist's creed." He said, "I am and atheist, and there is no creed!" I think Bob probably has a better understanding of Christianity than most of the Christians. Bob tried to tell these men "How can I hate God if i don't think he exists!?" but they wouldn't listen. I have to agree with Bob. You can't hate something you don't know. Also, I have to agree with part of the atheist creed. I think there is a God, yes. I also love that God in his entirety, but the ideas that western civilization has constructed to define God and keep him in this denominational box, I hate. I don't hate God; I hate the traditional evangelical idea of a vengeful God who shows no love. Truthfully, God's wrath is an expression of his love, but in order to see that, FIRST, one must see his love.

Most of all, these men hurt me because of my ministry. My life is meant to be a living sacrifice to God. Things that i say in do, places I go, everything is supposed to be a ministry consecrated to God. I have a hard enough time doing this by myself. It's mostly because i'm an egotistical asshole, who forgets that there is not point in trying to trick everyone into loving him. There's no point in it because loving me is futile. One, I suck at love. God is utterly perfect by nature, yet I cannot show him my love in every movement I make. How then, am I supposed to show love to other people? Two, loving me is futile because I'm not God. I'm not utterly perfect by nature. What joy is there in loving something unlovable? what joy is there in loving something that is tainted? what joy is there in loving something that cannot adequately love back?

That's why I like God. The real God, will always love you back. 

When people like this come to campus--the place where I'm supposed to be doing my ministry, they screw it all up. It's like they just ass rape it and now i'm fucked and have to start completely over. Like i said earlier, I am absolutely shitty at showing the love of Christ, but I work my ass off at it. When men like this come, I have to work even harder to let people know that even though i'm incapable of loving perfectly, I work at it.

They asked me if i ever preached on my campus. "Yes," I said "Every time i walk from class--every step that I take--I radiate the Holy Spirit. I reflect God's glory. Yes I preach on this campus. I preach in all that I do." I wish i could say that was entirely true. I know the are times, when i sit in the library and talk to Amy, Anna, Jimmie, and Leslie, that I am not at all showing the person of Christ. That goes back to the whole egomaniac thing, but it's not excuse. Regardless, in all that I do, I work to advocate Christ, so the answer still maintains some validity, but that wasn't enough for this guy. He scoffed at me. </3

God beckons sinners to him so that he can heal us. That's how it works. He did not first show them they were a sinner, they knew they were a sinner because they were being beckoned in the first place. Jesus did go to Matthew and say, "Come follow me, after you realize you're a sinner." Repentance is necessary, but repentance is a growing process. Repentance is a change of mind. It took me an entire semester for Rebecca Hensley to convince me that I still was in fact, mildly racist. But now, I see that she was right, and I combat institutionalize discrimination of all sorts. She was only able to do this because first, she convinced me that she loved me, and she loved all her students. She was only able to do this because she showed us that she was doing the whole teaching things geniunely for the betterment of our well being.

When Amy touched me, when she pushed the peace of the Holy Spirit through my entire consciousness, that was God pursuing. God knew what I needed even before I did. I didn't realize i was becoming weak until she touched me. I didn't realize I was on the verge of falling until Amy, by grace of God, grabbed by hand and set me on solid ground. She really is a messenger of God, so if you get the chance to meet her, listen. Sometimes, she can be very wise.

I hope and pray that I can be like that. I want to be a radiating reflection of God, so that, when my non believing friends can see that God is real. I don't necessarily mean I want them to convert upon meeting me, that would be asking too much. I just want to display God's glory through such things as a simple touch. John Schaffner said something about this once. He said something about how, when people back into you (the christians) on the side walk, the overwhelming glory of God should permeate their aura. Now that's not how John put it, but I think you get the point. Amy did this. Upon impact with my back, Jehovah shalom (the Lord's peace) spilled from her hand into me.

My plea is, that rather than see what these men did as an example of christians, people will see the better half. I hope that people will see what real believers, who practice a more liberated theology, behave. I must say, I'm thrilled at the response of my christian friends who respectfully showed up and began asking questions of these men. I can't say it was necessarily the intent, but we kept them quiet for several hours and so, less and less heard the filth spilling from their lips. Thankfully, God works in mysterious ways. My friend Alaine said that people would probably compare events like this one to me and my friends, and see that good christians aren't "like that." The intense hatred that these men showed will only sharpen the arrows of love we use to pierce people's hearts.

Hopefully....


all I can do is pray.

and apologize.

if you're not a believer, I'm sorry you had to put up with that. If you'd like to actually know about the real grace of God and how "it" all works, you know where to find me.


Shalom,
BDR
 

 

mood: drained tags: alaine, amy, anna, evangelical "christian" maniacs, hookers named gomer., jimmie, john schaffner, leslie