You know those evangelists you see on T.V. with the nice watch? Or the ones on the street corner who shout and tell people they're going to hell?

yeah. that's right. you know the type...

Three of them were at Southeastern yesterday. Apparently, they've been doing their thing in the union for about two days. I only had the pleasure of catching it for a day, but i was sickened. It took a lot for me not to vomit when I heard them.

( Read more... )
 

 

mood: drained tags: alaine, amy, anna, evangelical "christian" maniacs, hookers named gomer., jimmie, john schaffner, leslie

So, I just checked my email and I received this piece of spam that made me do a double take. WTF!? I'm not entirely sure how my address got on this mailing list, but it's funny as hell. My favorite part has to be "Continue to develop your skills because they'll
improve your life and can get you anything you want..." This guy sounds like a televangelist or something. "If ya love Jeeeeesuuuus! then you'll have no more troubles."

pssshhhaw!!!

Jesus doesn't have magic power that make you're life perfect...well, if you talked to the psychos in the union yesterday, they may've told you different, but that's a different story that I think will be amazing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. :)


Hey there ben

So last time we talked about
how developing your skills
takes time...

And that it even took a lot of
time to get good at moving
things with your hand...

Now you can move things with
your hand at will...

So what's going to happen when
people see you moving objects with
your mind?

This is something that you must take
into consideration, because different
people will have different reactions.

People can be amazed, or they can be
frightened...

They can be curious or skeptical and
limited...

If you're learning telekinesis to
impress others, you might want to
stick to a small scale and keep
the larger scale things to yourself...

Here's why...

Let's say you move something with your
mind and for some reason someone thinks
you're using evil powers...

Well you're only using the science of
your mind...

Yet that one thought can make people
look at you in a different way, maybe
even shun you because they're limited in
their own minds...

And people can fear what they don't understand.

Another is if you move an object and
someone thinks it's a trick.

Well if they believe it's a trick, it
doesn't matter if it was or it wasn't...

They still won't believe you because they're
limited in their minds as to what's possible. So
if you were looking for their recognition...you're
not likely to get it.

Realize that the development of your skills
are for you and the creation of a better life
for you...not to impress or entertain others.

Continue to develop your skills because they'll
improve your life and can get you anything
you want...

That's what's important...

Next time we're going to cover using the
energy of others to move things...

You're going to love this...it will explain
so much.

Keep practicing...

"The Hypnotist" Matt Adams

By the way, if you haven't started
practicing with your abilities yet...
why not?

Get going today...

If you're a beginner and would like
a "jumping-off-point" you'll want
to get a copy of the telekinesis
report.

This is the updated version and it
comes with an audio bonus. You can
get it here...

http://www.telekinesisnow.com/report.html

I'm allowed to be a democrat on LJ because none of my baptist friends are one here. lol.


GoBama 08!!!!


just because i didn't vote doesn't mean i can't be happy about the results. Socialism is on it's way and I can't wait. If we're the best country in the world, it's time to show people that we can make the more logical economic systems work.


God had a hand in this election. he has a hand in all of them. I was convinced from the beginning that Obama would walk away as our president. I'm not sure if that's discernment or bullshit, but i like to think it discernment.


anyway, i'm very happy about the results. YES WE CAN!!!! change is on the way.


i will continue to pray for our president and I hope the Lord has a major hand in his decisions. I hate McCain could win because I liked him, but i definitely didn't like him that much. glad there is no third term.

God bless you all. If you're not happy with the results, I'm sorry. Trust in the Lord.

Shalom,
BDR

I didn't vote :(

i couldn't bring myself to choose because i really didn't like either candidate. but mostly, I feel like God was leading me not to vote. In addition to that, I'm not registered. I have plenty of good reasons for not voting, but...


personally, I'm really hoping Obama wins. (shhhhh....don't tell my baptist friends, they'll stone me)


He honestly supports my christian ideals best, but not perfectly.         So, I can't bring myself to vote for him.


:(


I'm a terrible citizen.

P.S. I'm not supposed to tell anyone this but Amy did not vote for Nader. She changed her mind at the last minute.
Guess who she picked.....    >_<

I guess this happens to everyone, which leads me to believe that no one cares, but considering that my last LJ post was so bleak, angry, depressed, and littered with profanity, I figured i should write something new and less...shall we say ugly?

I'm getting really tired of school. Ever since college, I've been a fairly good student. I mean not spectacular, but not awful either. Basically, I was a slacker all the way through High School, and made it to honor grad on sheer looks and luck, but upon my first week of college (and it wasn't even real college. Thank you Co-Lin), I discovered that I pay to go here. So, i decided to slack a bit less. Now, I think I've managed to combine the best of both worlds. I work hard, but I know just how hard I have to work to stay afloat, so I'm now one of those nerdy people who spends friday nights working on lit papers. --well, I mean, I've done that a few times, but I love lit papers and usually, I have one of my friends help so its fun. Don't judge. Lit rocks.

It seems that this semester school is starting to be quite a bummer though. I can't figure out why, but I have some ideas. I'm not taking any good classes this semester, but I thought I would be. I enrolled in Creative Writing and hoped that it would be enough english to hold me over, but sadly, it's not working. My professor is some newbie that has never taught the class before:
i haven't learned anything from Dr. Louth yet. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, and what i've read of his (which is very little) seems to be okay. He's a bit heavey handed, but that just an opinion. plus, i'm a wannabe minimalist so i think everyone is heavey handed. I can't help but sit in the class and say, "yes, I know. I too have read Stephen King's memoirs." Not that he cites it often or anything, but everything (almost) he teaches in there. I think King was actually a bit more thourough, but that's personal probably. 

I was hoping to be in a play this semester, and I thought that would keep me zealously pursuing my education, but sadly, Jim Winter apparently did not see my talent fit for The Glass Menagerie. Not that I can blame him. My monologue was less than perfect. Still, I could've given him a good run and he knows that. So now I'm bored, which is not good. It's not that I don't have anything to do, it's that what I have to do sucks. All I'm taking is: Spanish 102, Statistics, "Intellectual History" (a stupid philosophy elective), History 102, and this crappy Creative Writing class. I can't say i'm exactly entralled about any of my studies. I want to drop out and move to Canada. I like their bacon. XD

On a brighter note, recovery rocks. God rocks. I'm closer to my Heavenly Father than ever before. I'm learning to accept new things, such as, my dad will always suck because he didn't have a daddy, and that is okay because at least I am who I am and I like who I am; I may never have a wife, but I'll forever be married to Jesus (in a non gay way), and that is enough; Amy really is my best friend and she really does understand almost everything I tell her and It is definitely okay to tell her everything. I love this "striving for holiness" thing. I've never done it before. I've never known Jesus like this before, and it is by far the most fulfilling thing ever.

I spent a great deal of my life abused, alone, and empty. I spent a great deal of my life going to church. In highschool, I was preaching. I was leading music. I got a solo or two in the church choir. In highschool, I was a "great christian guy."
In highschool, i wasn't sleeping. I was engaged in several empty relationships. I was angry, i was alone. I got to college, and all that I new came crashing down. My freshman year, I managed to lose all my friends and grow to loath my girlfriend. I left her a year later. that was almost six months of loathing. Now, I'm learning to forgive. I've forgiven AustEn, and I even pray for him sometimes. I've forgiven my Dad. I've forgiven Hayley, and Blair, and Brandi, and I feel wonderful about it. It's okay with me if all of them are still stupid. Jesus begged God to forgive his murderers even as they tortured him. Forgiveness is Christlike, and

Forgiveness feels good.

I like being Christlike.

Holiness is all want anymore. I'd like a wife, and some kids, and finanical security--even if it is overrated. I'd like a career that allows me to make money writing. I'd like to make music again. I'd like to...I'd like to...

"DENY YOURSELF," the voice shouts at me from Heaven. I never really understood that till now. Self denial is not a form of emptiness. Self denial is the ultimate form of validation. I want all these things, but I am strong enough to

stop wanting.
But, I that's not why I do it. and knowing that, makes me feel even better. I deny myself as a means to glorify God. If I get nothing from it, I'm okay with that. But, at the same time,  I know I won't get nothing from it, but rather, in my worldly emptiness, I'll find something much greater. I'll find a spring of living water that perpetually flows, giving me life and quenching my thirst...sorta. Thirst is confusing in a spiritual context.

I want to drop out of school, so that all I can do is persue holiness. I've never known God like this before. I'm so very greatful. I wouldn't have believed i could feel this serene 6 months ago. one year ago. four years ago. I wouldn't've trusted anyone of "them." Casey convinced me to throw out all my non-Christian music. I didn't trust him at first, so I just put it aside. Now, Amy has a collection of CDs burried away collecting dust. Maybe one day I'll want them again, and that will be okay, but today, all I want is Him. It took a lot of work, to find good music that was about Jesus. Sadly, most of it is cliche. I did it though. My collection dwindled to 2 artists, and now its back up to a handfull. and I guess the motto about a woman's breast can apply here too: "A hand full is all you need."

Actually being a faithful Christian rather than a religious one has been a bitch too (I know. I can't seem to make it without one "cuss word." They must be a crutch. But it's okay, I asked Jesus, and He doesn't care...)

I've cried more lately than I would've expected. I know what it's like to cry again. I went so long being numb. I didn't know what it felt like to cry. Now, I know where to find healthy sadness rather than lonliness. emptiness. death.

I'M SO GRATEFUL THAT I'M NOT DEAD INSIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to be this way. Now i'm not.

Thank God.

I'm sorry if this was too preachy, it's just how I feel. Also, I know that everyone can have it. I never was one of "those" christians. You know, the types in the polo shirts, and the creepy smiles that delicately offset the twinkle in there eye. I never played sports and only went to the FCA because i wanted so desprately to be cool. I never was cool enough for them. Youth Ministers always gave me a long steady stare before trusting me, and I only ever got the impression that one did.

I'm still not one of "those" christians. but Now i'm real. and I really love it. I'm reminded of a song by Josh Brister. look him up, idk if you can find him, he's from my home town.

I'm joyous now. not happy. I firmly believe that everyone can have joy. but I also think that joy only comes from one place. I hope the people I love will recognize this soon. (sorry if that was too evangelical). I love you all as well, i'm signing off because it's time to close the store. I hope you all can find the joy that I have. 

Shalom,
BDR

really fucking depressed right now. I don't know why this is so hard today. it was easier every other year. make sense of that. idk/wtf. ugh.

i'm looking for you pity now. I really hate to be that guy. like seriously. i don't mention my mother dying often no b/c i'm sad about it, but it makes me sad to see people feeling sorry for me. but now, fuck it. I'm sad. and I want everyone to be sad with me. but i don't. i know that would be fake. i sorta just wanna die. I really wanna tell everyone all my deep-dark-secrets here on LJ and have no censorship, but i don't think i could handle the repercussions.

i wanna die.

no i'm not gonna go off myself, but sometimes, the notion seems promising. i guess cuz i know what's waiting for me. i know that heaven and God are on "the other side" and i know that Mom is there and as soon as i can die i'll get to see her. I'll get to hug her. i'll get to tell her i'm sorry for not being more open with her. i really regret not telling her "everything." she's the one person in my family who would've understood, but at the time, i didn't understand. how am i supposed to convey things that i'm clueless about.

I miss her so much. "I'm not going to let you off the phone until i know you're okay," said my friend Courtney. i was crying on the phone with her about thirty minutes ago, and that is what she said to me. I thot it was really sweet. but...

things won't ever be okay. my momma is gone, and she's not coming back and things will not be okay. never. they'll never be "okay" or "normal" or whatever-the-fuck you wanna call it.

so now i'm just depressed.


amy just arrived at my house. i'm very glad. i need her her. i really couldn't handle it if i were alone. i already feel very alone. brandon and allie seemed to have abandoned me because they're so fucking absorbed in their own relationship to care about anyone else. that hurts. amy's really all i have. I don't feel comfortable enough w/ casey and wendy, but the prospect of crying in their living room would be beautiful, but i don't like to burden people outside the confines of the webbernets.

its been four fucking years since my momma died, and i'm still broken. I still don't have the slightest clue how to cope. I guess i could masturbate, or get really drunk. neither of those seem healthy. I've ordered a pizza and i intend on eating the whole damn thing. I guess i'll give amy a piece--two if she wants it, but hte rest is mine. Anything to numb the pain. after that i think i'll go for a snickers bar and vinalla coke. Blair brought that to me on october 12, 2004, the day after. it was sweet. and a bit of a comfort food at the time. Idk. how do "healthy" people cope?
people who weren't abused or neglected. people who weren't raped or molested. people who had "normal" lives.

what is normal?

i guess i'll never no.


pray for me. chant for me. meditate or cast spells. whateverthehell it is you do--i just don't care right now. granted, i still only think one of them will work, but its nice to know that other people are burdened over my declining mental condition.

shalom?


fuck off?


idk.

bye.

 For the past 3 years, I've managed to do this on October 11.

Four Years ago today, I found out that my mother died. That day was a harsh one, and I guess--if I wanted to--I could relive it, and give a detailed description of the day from my perspective, but I've done that enough. If you want to know how I felt on "that day," go and read my note titled "2 years since."

A lot has changed in a year. Last year, when I wrote this note, I was still dating Hayley, and I thought I was in love with her. Last year, when I wrote this note, I was new to Southeastern, and I only had about 4 friends. There was Allie, and she is the one I remember the most from a year ago. When I moved to Hammond and met her, I thought I had a crush on her. Turns out, I had a crush on the *idea* of her. I still have a crush on the idea of a beautiful, young, godly woman who would make an excellent mother. Curly hair is a plus, and if no one has figured out, I prefer older women, but those things are vain and not that big of a deal. Shortly after telling Allie's boyfriend at the time (who wasn't brandon), about my romantic confusion, the feelings began to go away. Then,

( The Rest of the Story )

for a school day, yesterday was okay.

it was monday, which means it can only be so good. and i royally bumfucked myself. You see, i had an examen de espanol (which means spanish test) at 10. and I had homework due at 9.

i forgot both :(

the thing is, i managed to start the day off really well. I woke up around 6:30--i know this is way to early, but i'm trying to be disciplined. besides, today i didn't manage it at all. I got dressed and did all that stuff. the hot water in the shower seemed to last a bit longer than usual which is great. i think we need a new head or something cuz usually, i only get like 10 minutes max. :(
but after showering and getting dressed, i went to school. at this point i think it was 7:09 but i could be a bit off. i walked to the Mission Cafe' because they give free food away now, and its a great quite place to read. I sat down and read 2 samuel 21(maybe it was 20) and Matthew 26 and 27. 
i've started reading a lot more bible lately and it's proving wonderful.( finish reading yo! )</div>

I just lost The Game.

Damn it!

( the rest... )</div>

sitting in history class now.

Dr. Saucier (pronounced sauce-y-a. i have no idea how that works. phonics? wtf?)

it's interesting, but i can't pay attention anymore cuz i had to edit a short story for my friend amy; she's sitting next to me. reading this over my shoulder.

speaking of amy...

she found my LJ account. i managed to keep it a secret from her for less than 24 hours. best friends i guess.

nevertheless, now i can't tell all my secrets publicly online and try to pick up hot chicks. damn. lol.

hot chicks don't want me anyway--except that one slutty bisexual girl, but we've already gone there and shan't go back.

(this is not to say that i did her. no. gross.)

"the greatest czar in Russian history," says saucier. idk what he's talking about. well i mean i do know it's "peter the great"
great peter. punny. haha. get it? phallic reference.

anyway, so i've got no "hot chicks." whatever. i'll just be alone forever. well i guess if i ever meet Donald Miller, i could try to convince him to become a homosexual because we're both going to be alone for ever and we may as well give up, but i'm really not into dudes. So, this doesn't seem like it would pay off.

anyway, this was a poor entry. so i should go. its getting boring.

apparently it's illegal to spit on the floor in Russia. idk?

shalom,
BDR
 

I'm not really sure how to do this. i never have before. I mean, i've blogged before, and i guess this is essentially the same thing.

i think its funny.

i wonder how many people began one of their earlier posts with: "I'm not really sure how to do this."

I guess none of us are really unique because ultimately, we're all the same in the aspect that we are unique.

I'm at work right now. I work for my Dad, at a jewelry store. The whole jewelry thing started 20 years ago with my Granny. She began her own small business not unlike those neurotic women who sell Mary Kay, but this was in the 80s and jewelry was bigger than Mary Kay. She started out of the trunk of her car--sketchy huh. lol.

then she opened a shop. then the shop did well, so she moved into a bigger building. then--10 years later or so--my uncle decided he wanted to give it a go because he hated his job. he had already done the whole sketchy trunk of his car thing. So, he opened a shop. in one year he grossed over 90,000. that's a bit impressive.

my Dad decided he hated his job too. so, he opened up a shop. the difference is, he has no idea what he's doing. Good thing i'm here i guess; i worked for my Granny for 8 years. I'm pretty good at it, but he doesn't see it that way sometimes. its frustrating. we fight a lot. we always have.

My sister only had 12ish hours left in college, and she decided that the jewelry biz was what she wanted to do w/ her life. so she dropped out. now she's got a store too. she intended to finish her degree just so she can say she did, but she's been very preoccupied.

my uncle opened a second store. its doing amazingly as well. he's rich now. i mean he was before, but now he's very rich.

i'm in college. i work for my dad. that's what i'm doing now.

This morning--like most--i didn't want to get out of bed. I tried to wake up at six, so i could go read my bible before work, but i neglected to. i ended up sleeping till 8:30. it was restless, but i think much needed. i have a very boring job most days, so i just read at work. i try to stay in the word off and on all day while i'm at work, but sometimes i lack desire. today, i've been hungrier than normal. so i've read more. after i finish this, i'll read some Donald Miller, then maybe more of Matthew, or perhaps the Psalms.

my roommates made too much noise last night. they were keeping me awake. i'm not sure how much i'll like this new house if the thin walls present such a problem. We're finally moved in for the most part. i want to clean some more. we need to get a real shower curtian. but at least conditions are livable. and Cody (one of my roommates) has settled down and is no longer acting like an asshole. he was really stressing me out.

I'm going to "The Fuse" tonight. That is what they call the worship service at the BCM. Gimmicks are funny. i'll never understand them. just call it worship. that should be enough. I go because i want to worship God, not because worshipping God has a cool name.

plus, there's something humbling about "worshipping" something.

I'm really looking forward to it. even though i sometimes end up feeling alone in a crowded room. i'm just not really into crowds anymore. i used to be, but it seems like--the more people i'm with--the faker i get. and i prefer to be real. it just hard not to be a politician. its hard not to make everyone like you. still though, even Paul, said it was good to be liked. i think. idk.

its about why you're disliked. don't "rage against the machine" just to do so. Only rage because there is raging that needs to be done. this is something John taught me, but he doesn't realize it--or does he? and i kinda was learning it anyway.

amy is my best friend; she's been having a bad day. she drank too much last night and has been hung over all day. she drank to much because she was depressed; i suspected this. it wasn't until 2 hours later, when she was keeping me awake via text message, that she realized it. its funny how our friends know us better than we know ourselves sometimes.

its okay though. i do a lot of stupid things when i'm depressed. Amy was very well behaved and all; she'll feel better soon. she just needs to trust in God more. We all do.

some slutty bisexual girl hit on me all night last night. she was very pretty. i just wish she wasn't so stupid. i also wouldn't be surprised if she had some sort of STD. too bad we clash on too many things. like IQ level. Faith. Sexuality. and materialism.

if we didn't, she would've made a potential wife.
but she's too worldly i guess. i sound judgmental, but i don't mean to. its not that i'm judging her; i just recognize that because of my moral convictions, we wouldn't work out. not because her's are wrong, but because our's are different. get it?

i hope so. i want to be tolerant. but i can't compromise my integrity.

well, this was the story of a life time. God bless.

shalom.
BDR

Jared Young recently introduced me to a new musician. Jimmy Needham.

Needham in a christian musician, which in my book would knock him down a few pegs, but this guy is a solid musician. and his lyrics are so thought provoking, he definitely has jumped to the top of my list. The more i listen, the more i like him.

Needham writes a song called "Hurricane," and I've posted the lyrics below. This song is a bit of an anthem for me. for all Christians. the speaker is pleading to God, "I need you like a hurricane, to come and break me open."

it reminds me of James 4--one of my favorite passages (and it's been that way for years). basically, its the idea that we prideful humans are too self-absorbed to recognize that there is a power far greater than ourselves even when they attack.

A hurricane destroys an entire city, or in my case just delayed my life and forced me to live in places that are less than pleasant, and all we are concerned with is,

"when will i get my home back?"
"when will i have electricity?"
"i lost my roof"
"when is our internet going to be running again?"
"I don't have running water"
"i was trying to move, but this bloody storm has slowed that down."
"i missed a week of work, how will i pay my bills?"

yet, none of us realize the awesome power behind such a tremendous force. This is not specify any god, I've got mine picked out, and i seriously doubt that my reverence for something i can't prove--for something that still leaves me with more questions than answers--for something that is scary as hell--will convince you to stop putting faith in your fates. Brahman. Allah. Baal. Tao. or other chosen supernatural forces. All i can say is, i don't believe in these things. if they are powers, i think they're simply manifestations of a darker evil (yes evil, i'm sorry to say. i hope this doesn't offend anyone. i don't mean to be an elitist, it just comes with the territory).

but when i recognize the these tremendous forces, i can't help but think of Christ's advice as delivered through the mouth of Dr. David Platt. "REPENT." No matter how interpreted, natural disasters are a reflection of a power greater than ourselves. a power we're usually to self centered to recognize. and so, i use these times as a reminder to stay reverent of the "Big Guy" in charge.


The brokenness is what really hit me in the song. I can't say being broken is fun, but i can say i delight in it. In my brokenness, God rebuilds me. God strengthens me. and yet, i am humbled. This parallels james 4.7 "God sets himself against the proud but shows favor to the humble."

I'd like to be humble forever, but sadly, when i begin to realize that i'm practicing humility, this usually means i've failed at it.

humility differs from weakness. Weakness is an inability. humility is recognizing an inability, and seeking for the greater ability. in this case The Great Ability. Brokenness, doesn't leave me weak, but instead makes me more powerful, only through the power of something greater.

My friend Brandon is always looking for a desert. He's always trying to get into the wilderness. I think this is funny. in the bible, deserts and wildernesses are symbolic for brokenness, trials, struggles, abandonment, and brokenness. they're dark places. in was in the desert that Christ was tempted by satan. In was in the desert where Hosea/God found Gomer/Israel.

the desert is a bleak place, but Gomer is also lead into the desert by the one who loves her. Sometimes, we're lead into the desert often, only to become hungry and starving and broken and alone. the loneliness forces us to recognize something stronger. something greater. it humbles us. in the bible, when the word "humble" is used, it doesn't mean what we think it means. it is often a military term, meaning "to force into submission." Sometimes, we need to be forced into submission.

the problem is: all of us--every person--is seeking to be part of something greater, but we're all to selfish to realize that there is something greater. We're too worried about our fear to let anyone in. and so, we build emotional defenses and strengthen them beyond what we can control. our defenses become offenses.

we lash out.

we
die.

we end up
alone.


we cover our bodies with fig leaves, and think we've achieved protection. modesty. we think we're hiding something. this is funny because i'm a boy, and everyone knows that boys have penises. so everyone knows that i have a penis.

you maybe a girl. and we all know that you have a vagina. so what are we hiding?

Adam and Eve were without shame before the fall. before the fruit. before...
then, they became ashamed and cover their bodies. this text (Gen 2.25-3.8) has been read to me about 3 times in the last 2 days, and i can't help but go back to the word "shame," and wonder what they were ashamed of. I think its symbolism. I think they were ashamed of what they had done, but mentally, they were unable to process this, so they covered their nakedness.

but what if we were all naked?

figuratively, of course. what if

everyone wore their emotions on their sleeve? what if we stopped hiding things?
then, wouldn't we know ourselves better? if no one had defenses, what would we need to defend ourselves from?

what, then, would we make of God? God then wouldn't be kept out by our own self centeredness. we wouldn't need to be lead into the desert. We would just be with
God. we would know him; he isn't hiding anything. why would he need to. we already know the power he keeps hidden in a meager hurricane. he doesn't even hide his power.

i think its funny that brandon is seeking a desert--seeking isolation. maybe he doesn't realize that our sins, our defenses, our pride and our fear are isolating us. I think he already knows this, Brandon is a very wise person, but something he just thinks too much.

Like me, brandon fails to throw himself into the hurricane. my friend Amy lost her roof in during Gustav. She had no choice. I almost envy her.

"You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee"

this is a refrain we should all believe, but sadly

i don't know how.


God-
I need you like a hurricane too.
i'm sorry. maybe one day, i won't be such a stubborn ass. but then again, even Baalam's ass allowed you us him. I guess maybe i should learn a lesson from donkeys. forgive me for not being holy enough. Amen.

-Benjamindale 9/23/08 5:53pm

Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

I have built a city here
Half with pride and half with fear
Just wanted a safer place to hide
I don’t want to be safe tonight

I need You like a hurricane
Thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down
I’m only Yours now
I need you like a burning flame
A wild fire untamed
To burn these walls down
I’m only Yours now
I’m only Yours now

I am Yours and You are mine
You know far better than I
And if destruction’s what I need
Then I’ll receive it Lord from Thee
Yes, I’ll receive it Lord from Thee

And it’s Your eye in the storm
Watching over me
And it’s Your eye in the storm
Wanting only good for me
And if You are the war
Let me be the casualty
‘Til I’m Yours alone
I am only Yours
I am Yours alone, Lord

Duba-Checka/Duba-Checka
Snare Kick Kick/Snare Kick Kick
Cymbal/Cymbal
Snare Kick Kick

Music permeates
with deafening rhythm.
Sheer passion,
anger
rage
and LOVE.
The drums beat in my head.

Duba-Checka/Duba-Checka
Snare Kick Kick/Snare Kick Kick
Cymbal/Cymbal
Snare Kick Kick

Bodies convulsing
in scary darkness
during the ecstasy-induced RAVE:
party—coma—then
the morning after.
The drums beat in my head.

Duba-Checka/Duba-Checka
Snare Kick Kick/Snare Kick Kick
Cymbal/Cymbal
Snare Kick Kick

Hands raised high
on Sunday Morning,
but they have no holiness yet;
for the addict must first feel
conviction
for his (my own)
sins.
The drums beat in my head.

Duba-Checka/Duba-Checka
Snare Kick Kick/Snare Kick Kick
Cymbal/Cymbal
Snare Kick Kick

Crying Crying in weariness:
the sin of self-sufficiency
never answered
perpetual knocking,
the continual nudge
on my heart.
The drums beat in my head.

Duba-Checka/Duba-Checka
Snare Kick Kick/Snare Kick Kick
Cymbal/Cymbal
Snare Kick Kick

Repentance—Salvation
due to divine intervention.
GRACE—there is never a reason for grace.
Cleaned hands
now touch the right skins
in order to create,
the perfect sound.
The drums beat in my head.

Duba-Checka/Duba-Checka
Snare Kick Kick/Snare Kick Kick
Cymbal/Cymbal
Snare Kick Kick

--Benjamindale
4-8-08
1:03am